The VA Blues
Failed attempts at journaling seem to be an annual tradition for me. From apps, to online options like this one, to carefully chosen Midori MD paper and expensive pens, nothing seems to stick. I'm not going to beat myself up about it though. I enjoy writing sometimes. And sometimes I don't. One thing is certain, I have to give up the pen and paper. My handwriting is absolute trash, and at my age it's unlikely to improve. I should look into selling all of these overpriced pens.
One could argue this is a public facing blog and unsuitable for proper journaling, which is often raw and frequently embarrassing. I would counter with this: ain't no one coming to read this. Even if they did, who cares?
With that out of the way, let's talk VA. For weeks now, I've been obsessively checking the app, hoping for a positive outcome to my handful of claims. The C&P exams went well, my evidence was fit for a trial, and it felt like a given. Well, after snoozing the alarm a couple of times this morning, I finally grabbed my phone and had a look. Bleary eyed and foggy brained from a night of gratuitous Valium, I saw the "Decision Letter Ready" alert. What disappointment I felt when I scrolled through the letter, ignoring all the boilerplate nonsense and looking for a new number, only to find that nothing changed. Denials across the board.
I grudgingly made my way to work, only to leave at lunch because I'd had enough of it all. I decided that the only way forward was the one I avoided for so long: pay someone for help. So, I now have two consultations scheduled to discuss claim strategy. I'll shell out for private nexus letters, DBQs, the works. Whatever it takes.
I know that I'm fortunate to have made it as far as I have on my own. Plenty of deserving veterans out there can't get anything and plenty more can't afford the private assistance. Still, this is my ticket out. It's my FIRE plan. My only real shot at retirement. I'll do whatever it takes. Then it's fair wind and following seas. Off to the Orient.
Nothing more to be done tonight. I sit here slightly stoned, in a comfortable home, with my family and my health. So, overall, things are good. I've no real reason to keep being a grump. The boy is having a decent summer despite our complete lack of planning. He has a little friend down the street and they've been out and about on their bikes, doing whatever pre-teens do. They meet up with other kids in the neighborhood and hang out. It's good for him. He told me one of the girls was vaping today. He acted so surprised. He's still very naive. I'm glad he's getting these experiences though, especially after so many years in the UK being treated as an outcast.
We've been too lazy to properly grocery shop the last few days. I wonder what kind of podunk dinner we're going to come up with tonight.