Perennial Cynic

05 Jul, 2026

^{My man, Diogenes, sharing his philosophy}

Looking at my recent posts, I recognize the downward spiral. Left to my own devices, I will rant about politics and the state of things until I find myself in the street carrying a black flag and demanding revolution. That isn’t hyperbole – I may or may not be on a Home Office list for activities with a certain group in the Scottish capital. That’s a story for another time.

So, it should come as no surprise when I say that I’m naturally inclined to a cynical, even depressive, attitude. Over time, I became skilled at presenting it as healthy skepticism. “No, I’m not a morose son of a bitch, I’m just being intellectually honest.” Most people conflate cynicism with skepticism, so it’s an easy sleight of hand.

It isn’t healthy though. That’s easy enough to see. There’s a popular bit of advice for pulling out of a bad trip: “Change the subject.” Rather than getting stuck in thought loops, gently redirect – give the mind another handhold (if you still can’t let go). This is me changing the subject.

日本語

^{Sanmon Gate, Chion-In Temple. Credit for the shitty photo: Me!}

It’s embarrassing that I still don’t speak Japanese. I’ll jokingly refer to myself as a weeb or an otaku, but those are half-truths. Have I always been a bit obsessed with Japanese culture, media, and food? Yes. But am I an unwashed shut-in? No. Stereotypes don’t have to be absolute; nuance is important.

I grew up watching DBZ episodes on TV after school, Kurosawa on VHS, playing JRPGs, and dreaming about one day exploring the Far East. Later, I would practice Zen and make plans to sell everything and apply for the JET program. In my ignorance, I was a well-intentioned Orientalist, fetishizing a culture I didn’t truly understand. Everything would be perfect if I could just live in a high-trust society like theirs, where people respected each other and I could find some peace.

I was disabused of such immature notions by the twin bullies time and experience. Nowhere is perfect. People are people. But despite all its faults, Japan is still special to me. And I actually did find peace there, mostly through the teachings of Hōnen Shōnin and Jodo Shu Buddhism.

It’s only recently that I’ve realized how many years I’ve wasted planning to learn the language without ever putting in real effort. I’ve learned and forgotten hiragana and katakana too many times. I never overcame the petty discouragement that comes from the “Nihongo jouzu!” and immediate switch to broken English.

But things are different now. I’ve lived abroad, traveled widely. I have a better perspective on life now than at any time before. I take so much from Japan, but I’ve yet to reciprocate. So, it’s time to drop the “I’m not much of a language learner” and just get to work.

And I can’t let the visa situation dampen my spirits. Things change, opportunities arise from the most unexpected places. Right now, I have to pack up and leave after 90 days, but who knows what the future will bring.

I’ve found a bit of motivation and some good resources here: