Not Everything Has to Matter
I used to get a lot of shit for the way I relate to my hobbies and interests. When I find something interesting, I tend to go all in. I’ll spend an inordinate amount of time (and sometimes, money) going down one rabbit hole after another. Some might say I have an obsessive personality, but I say that’s my prerogative.
What confuses people, and sometimes draws their ire, is how I just as suddenly lose interest. I don’t have an explanation for it, and I don’t think I need one, but I’ve often wondered why it elicits such a response from people close to me. I’ll get snarky comments like, “Oh, here we go again, Karl is into [X] now...”
Is an interest only valid if you hold onto it for years? Must hobbies be practiced for life in order to be meaningful?
I don’t think so.
I like to embrace whatever I’m doing wholeheartedly. The novelty inspires a unique fervor, the indulgence of which I find satisfying in the moment. When it fades, there’s no point holding on to it.
Think of it like a horse: I’m just wired to run at a full gallop. Tongue lolling, eyes wild, breath labored. If I slowed down, I might get more miles, but I’m never sure if the road even continues around the next bend. So, I go all out. The horse inevitably dies, and I’m on to the next one.
I refuse to feel ashamed of that. I shrug off the comments now, too old to really give a shit.
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For things that I actually want to last though, burnout is a real risk. It happens most often with lifting weights. I’ve worked myself into being properly sick before – insomnia, diminished recovery, flu-like symptoms, and (extra) depression.
The body and mind need a break every so often. These days, I program in a deload week every two months or so. Unfortunately, for this cycle, I think I still pushed it too far.
I walked into my home gym yesterday and couldn’t get started. Warming up felt like going to failure. I had zero energy or motivation to do anything. In my experience, it isn’t a matter of discipline at that point. When it feels like that, it means I’m well and truly cooked.
So, now I’m off for a week from the gym. Seven days to let my aching joints and fried CNS get back to baseline.
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I have to remind myself sometimes that it’s okay to let go of things. There’s nothing wrong with letting feelings dictate the direction and pace. Driving by vibes is perfectly valid, and no one can tell me otherwise.
Do what you want. Not everything has to be deep. Not everything has to matter.